Episode 47 - Samurai Cop
Samurai Cop is a 1991 action film starring Matt Hannon and Robert Z'dar. A legend in the annals of B-movies, it is known for its incomprehensible "plot", Z-grade acting, complete lack of retakes (even after flubbed lines) and establishing shots, and several arbitrary sex scenes. Amazingly, 24 years later, a sequel starring none other than Tommy Wiseau came out. And no, that is not a joke. Seriously. We even covered it. Plot A cop (allegedly) trained in the ways of the samurai tries to stop the most inept gang ever by either killing or fucking everything in his line of sight. You know, just like a samurai or a cop would do. Notable characters *Joe Marshall/Samurai Cop *Yamashita *Frank Washington *Okamura *Fuj Fujiyama *Jennifer *Captain Rohmer *Peggy Thomas *Andrew Johnson The Episode *Originally, this episode was going to be the coverage of The Twilight Saga: New Moon, but it was pushed back a couple months. Scores James - Syphilis Damien - Virtue (due to an editing error, Damien's final word segment was actually left off of the finished episode) Highlights *The TMNT Tournament Fighters tangent *The Carnevil tangent *The hosts declare Joe Marshall Guy Banter 1A References *''Twilight: New Moon'' *''Silent Hill: Revelations 3D'' *''Spider-Man 3'' *''Howard the Duck'' *''Double Team'' *''The Crow: Wicked Prayer'' *David DeCoteau *''Double Dragon'' *''Out For Justice'' *''Sunset Strip'' *Stephen Segal *Eddie Guerrero *Uncle Ray *''Samurai Cop 2'' *Al Capone *''The Room'' *''Streets of Rage'' *William Shakespeare *''Bloodrayne'' *Bonnie Tyler *''Time Crisis'' *''Lethal Enforcers'' *''Heroes of Wrestling'' *''Uncharted'' *The Iron Sheik *Jesse Ventura *''Birdemic'' *''Yor: The Hunter from The Future'' *Fabio *Danielle Steele *Gerald Brisco *Mr. Perfect *Sid Justice *Jake "The Snake" Roberts *Dolph Ziggler *''Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie'' *Jim Lawsons *Joe Piscapo *Tone Loc *Jonathan Frakes Is The Devil *Morgan Fairchild *Jonathon Frakes *''Star Trek: The Next Generation'' *Giant Bomb *Jeff Gerstmann *''The Animaniacs'' *''Beevis and Butthead'' *''The Legend of Zelda'' *''Final Fantasy 7'' *The Kool-Aid Man *''Lethal Weapon'' *''Highlander 2'' *''Mortal Kombat 2'' *''The Happening'' *''Mortal Kombat'' *''Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation'' *Donna's *The Muffs *The Distillers *''Mortal Kombat: Annihilation'' *Power Corps *Hardcore Dancing Kids *Lionel Hutz *Encyclopedia Dramatica *Uncyclopedia *Orson Wells *Vanilla Ice *Taper's Medical Dictionary *''Home Alone'' *Batman *Mother Love Bone *''The Last Airbender'' *''Beverly Hills Cop'' *Wheezer *Dick Kickers: The Game *Dazzler *Michael Bay *The Whispers (band) *''Who Framed Roger Rabbit'' *Godzilla *''Mystery Science Theater 3000'' *''The Twilight Zone'' *''The Sims'' *''Zoo Tycoon'' *''Samurai Showdown'' *Wankstain *Journey (band) *Megatron *''Twilight'' *The Marx Brothers *Primus *Sepultra *''Battle Arena Toshinden'' *''Battle Arena Toshinden 3'' *''Ninja Turtles Tournament Fighters'' *''Star Wars: Masters of Teris Kase'' *''Time Crisis'' *REM *Barry White *Lionel Richie *Sigma Pi *''Carnevil'' *''Ace Ventura 2'' *Madden *Jigsaw *''Mad Dog McCree'' *''Ground Zero Texas'' *Aerosmith *''Revolution X'' *Cards Against Humanity *''Super Robot Wars'' *''Howard the Duck'' *''Scientifically Accurate Duck Tales'' *Nicolas Cage *''Glitter'' *''Repo! The Genetic Opera'' *Uwe Boll *''Postal'' *Darren Bowsman *''Saw'' *''Saw III'' *''Saw IV'' *''Saw II'' *Sarah Brightman *Bill Moseley *Paris Hilton *''Zardoz'' *''Nick Fury: Agent of Shield'' *David Hasselhoff *''Masters of the Universe'' *''Maniac Cop'' Tiradesverse tropes *Protagonists? - Joe, Frank, Jennifer and Peggy *There Are No Police - The so-called "cops" in this movie never do any actual police work, and generally just go about their lives doing whatever the hell they want *Nonsensical Title - Joe acts like neither a samurai, nor a cop *Finer Cronies and Goons, Inc. - The Katana gang kept them in business for years. *Random sex scene - Three times: each more bewildering and out-of-nowhere than the previous *Crimes Against Writing - **"So, they call him 'samurai', huh?!" "Yes. His real name is Joe Marshall. They call him 'samurai.'" Really?! Thank you for that, Yamashita, because I had totally forgotten that Fujiyama said they call him "samurai" since it was so many seconds ago. *Disrespecting the Dead - After watching several guys get murdered and having seen Frank's car blown up, he and Joe crack stupid jokes. *Massive gunfight - And in typical fashion, the bad guys never hit anything--partly because they repeatedly have unloaded weapons... *Casio Keyboard - The NES opening theme, as well as several background tunes *Thank you very little - **Okamura in his underwear **Samurai Cop in a Speedo with a close-up on his ass *EXTREME CLOSE-UP - All over the place *Tonal Shift from Hell - This movie is comprised entirely of these: **Joe is in the middle of a shootout and they just arbitrarily cut to Yamashita fucking the redhead woman **Joe and Jennifer are walking on the beach in their swimwear as all of his fellow officers are being killed and mutilated in gruesome manners. *Bewildering Mercy - Joe sparing Yamashita's life *Exposition fairy - The weird, gay waiter guy *Nontendre - Frank crawls under a fence instead of going over it like Joe did, and when Joe asks him why he did this, Frank responds, "Because I'm an undercover cop!" *No one will like your character - The main female character falls in love quickly and expresses this *Five-Second Microcosm - Joe trying to get the jump on the unsuspecting Okamura, but being unable to open a door. *Flubbed lines - By several of the actors *Where have you been??? - Joe Marshall, cop in the middle of a violent gang/cop war, doesn't even know the names of his enemies. *Instant Love - Jennifer falls in love with Joe despite him stalking her outside of her church and spending exactly one afternoon with him. *Killing Your Own Guys - Boy howdy! **Yamashita guns down his own guys for literally no reason in the middle of a restaurant parking lot in broad daylight. **He also cuts the head off of a guy who was hospitalized due to full-body 3rd-degree burns just so he wouldn't talk to the police. (This, despite the fact that the guy was physically incapable of speaking.) Ending song Before and After Previous Episode: Episode 46 - Howard the Duck Next episode: Episode 48 - Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance Category:Episodes Category:Farvas Category:Action films Category:Cult films